Jerry, you need to find god
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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