Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
