no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
