I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize