i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
