she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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