Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
