I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize