Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just invented taco cereal.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
