yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
