angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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