i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
