That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
