This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize