I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I touched a dick in church today
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
