I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
