Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
