That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
