Im at strip club and am horny
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize