Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
