dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
