I am puke
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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