I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
