I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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