I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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