I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
