after a month anything with tits is on the radar
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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