just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
