Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
