Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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