Im at strip club and am horny
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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