The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
