I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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