I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize