I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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