found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
