Sponge bath it is.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
