Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
