Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
