We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
