3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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