I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
