I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
