They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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