shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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