I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
