Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
