I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
