So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
