After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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