Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
