I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
