I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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