new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
