Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
