She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
