Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At least life still wants to fuck me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
