I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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