i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
