Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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