Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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