sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
