I think I just saw someone hide a body.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize