I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
