I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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