Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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