All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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