I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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