i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
