i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
