Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
