Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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