I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
