It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
