Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
