I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
