apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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