i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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