i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
