I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
