the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
