Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
