why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
