If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
