We won't sleep together?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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