He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
