My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
