I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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