Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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