The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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